Cath Bentley still remembers the first sign that her husband had lost his sex drive. She remembers where they were, when it was and how she felt - though at the time Cath had no idea it was anything more than temporary, no inkling it would lead to their separation. It was like he wasn't enjoying it, like he was making an effort.
A common complaint of couples in long term relationships is a decline in sexual desire. While the cultural finding seems to be that men are often the partner complaining, research suggests that long-term relationships can have a dampening effect on either partner — for reasons that are not solely due to aging. In my work with couples I have found that the resentment, criticism and impatience that couples show about many issues in their life often cover the rejection and shame associated with the belief that they are no longer sexually desired.
And is that enough? Not wanting enough sex is the big problem for most women who consult me as a clinical sexologist. And most sex therapists will agree that having a low level of sexual desire is a problem. But the majority of these women are heterosexual with male partners who are — you guessed it — complaining.
The low-libido partner may feel pushed and resentful, and the high-libido partner can feel abandoned, betrayed, rejected, and angry. While both individuals within this dynamic struggle, the higher-libido partner has unique challenges, and their perspective will be the focus of this post. Each type of couple has distinct difficulties.
Verified by Psychology Today. Divorce Busting. When it comes to marriagethere's no question about it, sex is a tie that binds.
When we do once, maybe twice a yearhe is interested, but it is me who initiates it. We have argued a lot about this because I feel our relationship has turned into a friendship. We do love each other and this is the only problem we have, but it has had a serious impact on my self-confidence.
In a post-coital chat afterwards, it turned out that we had each found completely different scenes in the film to be a turn on. Sex has the power to repair a relationship, to bring people together, and to renew love. Conversely, when desire falters, we often find it hard to accept. Couples can be devastated and worry that the relationship is coming to an end.
Women's sexual desires naturally fluctuate over the years. Highs and lows commonly coincide with the beginning or end of a relationship or with major life changes, such as pregnancy, menopause or illness. Some medications used for mood disorders also can cause low sex drive in women.
Sex is a topic that many people want to talk about — but few want to acknowledge if it becomes a problem. Many women face challenges in what is often the first step in sexual intimacy, which is sexual desire or sex drive. Women with low sex drive have reduced sexual interest and few sexual fantasies or thoughts.